Mike Finazzo

SNL – Weekend Update – Bill Hader

Posted in comedy, weekend update
  • Best-selling erotica novelist Zane has filed for bankruptcy over unpaid tax debt. The IRS is looking to punish her to their fullest extent, at least, until she screams her safe word.
  • It was reported that within five years researchers will begin testing lab-grown penises on humans. Which is a lot different than testing them IN humans.
  • New York’s City Council has lowered the speed limit on city streets to 25 MPH. So make sure you remind your cab driver, ya know, just as soon as he gets off the phone.
  • This Wednesday was International Walk to School Day, where students were encouraged to get to school on their own rather than be driven. Unfortunately, it happened to coincide with “National Drive Around in a Creepy Van Day”.
  • A zoo in the Philippines is offering a massage that is provided by four pythons slithering over a person’s body. And for a few extra bucks you just might get that happy ending of not being asphyxiated and swallowed whole.
  • Two Florida men were arrested after their neighbor accused them of letting their dog defecate in his yard and the men pulled guns on the neighbor. And after having a gun drawn on him, the neighbor was also guilty of defecating in his yard.
  • A shipment of marijuana laced soda, being stored in a Washington State dispensary, exploded because it was made with too much yeast. Which actually comes as a relief to several local stoners who thought they did it by accident with their minds.
  • NBC is developing a new series that is a follow up to the hit 1980s movie Say Anything. It’s called “We’ll Air Anything.”
  • Twitter has filed a lawsuit against the federal government alleging that their First Amendment rights are being violated by a law prohibiting them from disclosing how often the government requests information from them on users. The lawsuit is full of legal terms and is very hard to read because they had to keep it under 140 characters.
  • A restaurant in London is selling the world’s most expensive hamburger, which is called the “Glamburger,” containing Kobe beef, a gold leaf coated bun, and costs 1700 dollars. And since your mouth will be full with that expensive burger, there’s no way you accidentally tell your date how small your penis is.