Mike Finazzo

SNL – Weekend Update – Lin-Manual Miranda

Posted in weekend update
  • A high school student in Washington State hoped to send a message to other students that it was okay to go to Homecoming alone, by asking himself to the dance in a mirror in the cafeteria. Luckily, he turned himself down gently.
  • A 113 year old man in Israel has become the oldest person ever to have a Bar Mitzvah. However, he’s still very hesitant on going through with a bris.
  • Two teachers in Vermont were arrested for drawing their initials in fresh cement outside of a school. Which wouldn’t have been much of an issue, if their names weren’t Irene Smith and Isabelle Sanchez. [KEY: I.S.I.S. written in cement]
  • Johnson and Johnson is warning patients that one of its insulin pumps is vulnerable to hackers who could overdose a diabetic patient. So now diabetics will need to avoid excess sugar and un-secure Wi-Fi networks.
  • Clowns in Arizona are organizing a “Clown Lives Matter” march to show that “clowns are not psycho killers.” “Yeah, don’t lump us together with those sick, twisted freaks,” said psycho killers.
  • A new study finds that male squirrels do little work and spend most of their days hanging out. Work-ethic they apparently learned from watching too many episodes of “Friends”.
  • NASA is conducting a series of tests in space to learn how fire behaves aboard space crafts in zero gravity. And by “tests” I mean, “horrible fiery accidents.”