Mike Finazzo

SNL – Weekend Update – Michael Keaton

Posted in weekend update
  • Amazon has launched a new Home Service, which allows users to order plumbers, painters, or other handymen. They apparently came up with the idea after watching any porno from the 70’s.
  • Both Coachella and Lollapalooza have banned people attending the music festivals from using “selfie sticks”. So now, you’ll need another way to prove you went to the festivals, like a band t-shirt or a fresh STD.
  • The creator of the popular 1970s fad the Pet Rock died this week. He will be buried in a box deep in the back of his mom’s garage.
  • In a recent interview actor Russell Crowe revealed that for nearly three years he would get prank phone calls from Michael Jackson. And just think how bad the prank calls would have gotten if MJ lived to see him in “Les Miz”.
  • According to a new report more than 61,000 bridges in America are structurally deficient. In lieu of fixing the crumbling bridges, many cities have resorted to providing free swim lessons.
  • An assisted living facility in Ohio has released a calendar to raise money for charity that features 80 and 90 year old residents posing in the nude. Although the calendar highlights all 4 season, the nude photos depict a lot less SPRING and a lot more FALL.
  • A personal trainer in New York has developed a new fitness program based on how he worked out when he was in prison. It’s the perfect gym routine for people looking to fight off skinheads in the showers!
  • New research suggests that a thousand year old Anglo-Saxon potion for eye infections made from garlic, onion and wine may be able to kill the modern MRSA super bacteria. And if nothing else, it’ll make that infection delicious.